A Journey of Self-Discovery
I want to make this quick because I am exhausted and determined to go to bed earlier than usual tonight. (I've already missed my original target time, but this feels important to me to write down.)
When I was in college, I remember my roommate at the time going through a journey of self-discovery. She would talk about it, and I'd listen intently wondering what that kind of journey looked like. Apparently, I'm over a decade behind (her), but that's pretty irrelevant. Your journey happens when you are ready, and undoubtedly, she had different struggles and challenges in her life that I did not have and vice versa. Well, I'm here now.
I've set myself on a mission to find my passions. I have no idea what they are. "Experts" (on Google) all recommend thinking back to childhood to what made you happy back then, and to be honest, I don't know. I don't remember what made me happy as a kid. Much of my childhood was spent riding a bike and watching a lot of TV. I wasn't great at sports and didn't really enjoy them, and the ones I did enjoy I was not able to participate in them. ('Cause they require parental consent.)
So here I am, almost 40 years old, trying to discover my passions. I'm also attempting to build my emotional intelligence (EQ). I find it incredibly fascinating because knowing, navigating, and understanding my emotions was not something I learned in my younger years. The most direction I got to managing my emotions was "Go to your room until you can talk to me without yelling or being disrespectful" and "do as I say, not as do" (hah...yeah, like that ever works.) Let me just say I never came out of my room because I didn't know how to process my emotions without yelling. (Side note: When I started working through all those buried emotions, I did, in fact, do a lot of yelling and screaming and purging of all the anger and rage that I was never allowed to express. Now, that I did that, I am learning how to handle anger in a more mature way. But the story of all that is definitely another post all on its own.)
As I search for my next interesting podcast, I find myself searching for nutritional/food/cooking podcasts that discuss food allergies and intolerances. Also, the word "psychology" also catches my eye every time I see it. Several people have mentioned that I would make a good life coach, and though it never really struck me as something I want to do, the idea seems to be sticking. It would be a practical application of all that I've learned over the course of my life thus far. The EQ aspect of it would be a great asset in that, but are my people skills really up to scratch? Newly on my radar is Oprah Winfrey. From what I've seen so far (I never became a fan or watched even a single show), that incredible woman is an empath. She reaches people through empathy and touch. In the clips I've seen of her, she touches people she interacts with so casually, but it's how she connects with people. It is truly amazing to watch. Sometimes I wonder if I have empathic abilities/qualities. I've been told I have, but do I really believe that?
I've also been reading and learning about chakras and energy. Specifically, I want to know how to unblock them. I have learned to be incredibly in-tune with my body, and quite frankly, my energies feel blocked. I don't know how or why, but I feel it. I Googled "blocked chakra symptoms" and I was nodding yes to every checkpoint at almost every chakra.
As I write this, I realize that I've touched on some fairly western philosophies (psychology, emotional intelligence, and maybe even some Freud) as well as eastern ones. I never 100% bought into my Catholic upbringing, though there are some aspects of it where I find value. But I haven't yet found another religion that sits 100% well with me either. Based on what I've written tonight (a kind of summary), I feel like I'm on the right track for what's good for me and it's a blend of all the aspects of the different religions that I did like that help me on my spiritual journey. (Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism, Wicca, Paganism, and probably more)
Self-discovery is so so important, and there are so many aspects. I find myself surprised at how much certain topics light a fire in my soul, and they aren't where I thought they would be. It helps so much to have learned what to look for. Anything that makes you feel happy and inspired and motivated to learn more (basically it lights up your soul and very being) is a freakin' beacon. Follow it, because I have every faith that it will lead to the passions I am looking for.
I'm getting closer.
When I was in college, I remember my roommate at the time going through a journey of self-discovery. She would talk about it, and I'd listen intently wondering what that kind of journey looked like. Apparently, I'm over a decade behind (her), but that's pretty irrelevant. Your journey happens when you are ready, and undoubtedly, she had different struggles and challenges in her life that I did not have and vice versa. Well, I'm here now.
I've set myself on a mission to find my passions. I have no idea what they are. "Experts" (on Google) all recommend thinking back to childhood to what made you happy back then, and to be honest, I don't know. I don't remember what made me happy as a kid. Much of my childhood was spent riding a bike and watching a lot of TV. I wasn't great at sports and didn't really enjoy them, and the ones I did enjoy I was not able to participate in them. ('Cause they require parental consent.)
So here I am, almost 40 years old, trying to discover my passions. I'm also attempting to build my emotional intelligence (EQ). I find it incredibly fascinating because knowing, navigating, and understanding my emotions was not something I learned in my younger years. The most direction I got to managing my emotions was "Go to your room until you can talk to me without yelling or being disrespectful" and "do as I say, not as do" (hah...yeah, like that ever works.) Let me just say I never came out of my room because I didn't know how to process my emotions without yelling. (Side note: When I started working through all those buried emotions, I did, in fact, do a lot of yelling and screaming and purging of all the anger and rage that I was never allowed to express. Now, that I did that, I am learning how to handle anger in a more mature way. But the story of all that is definitely another post all on its own.)
As I search for my next interesting podcast, I find myself searching for nutritional/food/cooking podcasts that discuss food allergies and intolerances. Also, the word "psychology" also catches my eye every time I see it. Several people have mentioned that I would make a good life coach, and though it never really struck me as something I want to do, the idea seems to be sticking. It would be a practical application of all that I've learned over the course of my life thus far. The EQ aspect of it would be a great asset in that, but are my people skills really up to scratch? Newly on my radar is Oprah Winfrey. From what I've seen so far (I never became a fan or watched even a single show), that incredible woman is an empath. She reaches people through empathy and touch. In the clips I've seen of her, she touches people she interacts with so casually, but it's how she connects with people. It is truly amazing to watch. Sometimes I wonder if I have empathic abilities/qualities. I've been told I have, but do I really believe that?
I've also been reading and learning about chakras and energy. Specifically, I want to know how to unblock them. I have learned to be incredibly in-tune with my body, and quite frankly, my energies feel blocked. I don't know how or why, but I feel it. I Googled "blocked chakra symptoms" and I was nodding yes to every checkpoint at almost every chakra.
As I write this, I realize that I've touched on some fairly western philosophies (psychology, emotional intelligence, and maybe even some Freud) as well as eastern ones. I never 100% bought into my Catholic upbringing, though there are some aspects of it where I find value. But I haven't yet found another religion that sits 100% well with me either. Based on what I've written tonight (a kind of summary), I feel like I'm on the right track for what's good for me and it's a blend of all the aspects of the different religions that I did like that help me on my spiritual journey. (Buddhism, Hinduism, Taoism, Wicca, Paganism, and probably more)
Self-discovery is so so important, and there are so many aspects. I find myself surprised at how much certain topics light a fire in my soul, and they aren't where I thought they would be. It helps so much to have learned what to look for. Anything that makes you feel happy and inspired and motivated to learn more (basically it lights up your soul and very being) is a freakin' beacon. Follow it, because I have every faith that it will lead to the passions I am looking for.
I'm getting closer.
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